My Son Cannot be Cured!

As a healthcare professional, parent, citizen and disability advocate, I still do not understand the position of DSHS, DDD and prominent “advocacy” groups such as The Arc Chapters, People First and others.  These groups seem to believe that if you keep spending money and services on people with disabilities, they will become normal, function as normal and be productive as normal.  For some people this may be true and for those people I am very supportive.

There is another side to the story though – there are many of our citizens with disabilities who will never be able to be on their own, have a job with a competitive wage, own a house, cook their own dinner, or drive a car.  And you know what – they probably don’t care and wouldn’t even consider those things as part of their life – and that’s OKAY!

My son is one of these citizens.  He’s not normal, will never be normal, has no desire to become normal (he doesn’t even know what that is anyhow) but this in no way diminishes his worth as a beloved human being.  He is absolutely perfect the way he is.

In addition to his incredible worth as a human being, my son is about the happiest person that you will ever meet – he finds joy in so many aspects of life and just thinking about what brings him joy, brings me and all who know him joy.

I believe that if someone wanted to spend the millions of dollars on him to try to train him for a “real job” or to try to make him feel like he’s part of the community; they are wasting everyone’s money and time.  Not only that, they would be irritating him since he is totally incapable of fitting into a “normal” type of life.  I’m tired of people telling me that “if only he had the right supports he could do normal things” – he’s perfectly content with what he can do and works at his pace learning new things that matter to him.  Why can’t society let him live his life rather than trying to make him fit a mold that is beyond his capacity to fit?

Also, as a health professional, parent, citizen and disability advocate, I would much rather see the public funds that are overspent on trying to get people to be normal, spent on more productive services – think of the good that could come to the whole society if these dollars were spent on education, health care, public services that benefit more people than just a few that will never be able to live up to the expectations of “normal?”

I do believe in disability advocacy but this movement has gone way too far in trying to overcompensate.  It’s time to swing back to sanity now and realize that there is a continuum of abilities and that we need to honor and cherish that.   We seem to accept everyone else for who they are, why can’t we accept those with profound disabilities for who they are too?

7 comments on “My Son Cannot be Cured!

  1. stephanie nuce says:

    could i meet this parent?


  2. stephanie nuce says:

    Why would you limit your child? Why say or focus on the can not? Focus on the can do? If you would ever like to meet men and women that others said they could not……..or they would never…..or never would learn… I would introduce you.


  3. who’s limiting my child? We certainly are not – he has all the opportunity to learn and grow that he needs and he’s doing it at his pace.

    I said “my son can not be cured” I didn’t say “my son can’t learn or grow” These are two different issues. We never thought our son would speak – he’a amazed us all with the miracles that he has overcome. I don’t need to look any further to see what can be done – I see it every day in my son and we rejoice in that.

    I believe you misunderstood the meaning of this essay.


  4. stephanie nuce says:

    “Normal”? What is normal these days? I’m not normal…..pretty sure you are not normal either. So why use that term?

    There are men and women that live in the very same type of settings as your son. They have moved into homes, apts, condo’s… you name it. These men and women have obtained jobs, kept them and became a part of their community. This was accomplished by agencies that make it their mission to include all as a part of life. I’m most certain that it’s not the dollar factor that one does this either.

    One can’t know what their missing in life until they have that. Also one can understand “change” people are not dumb nor clueless. “change” is something visual.


  5. stephanie nuce says:

    one also does not know their own level of growth until they have a chance to accomplishment…….


  6. You are absolutely correct about “normal” – to me, no one is normal but that term is used by many disability advocates and self-advocates when they talk about their hopes and dreams – “just like normal people” is what I hear them say.

    Again, you are misunderstanding the essay and making assumptions based on no knowledge of my son.

    I can tell you though, that no matter how much you try, you will never be 8 feet tall. No matter how much money is thrown at you or how many therapists work with you intensively, I highly doubt that it will ever happen. There are just some things that we need to accept as reality and some people do not have the capacity to do some things. Again, that in no way diminishes their worth as a human being. I celebrate people where ever they are and with whatever capabilities they have. You probably do too.

    There is a point when you have to look at resources and see how the most good can be distributed – that’s what I believe anyhow – maybe you don’t.

    You seem to have an issue with this essay – again, if you read it you will see that we truly love and support our son and celebrate in his life and think he’s just perfect.


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