The social life of a person with intellectual disabilities is often studied and looked at only from one variable—that of interacting with others who have or do not have an intellectual disabilities. From this model, the social life is often seen as segregated and isolated with few contacts other than family or paid providers. There have been some recent postings on various sites about people with disabilities and friends (My Child’s Dream to Have Friends , 51 People) and it made me think more about social circles and who is in them.
This is the reality of the situation when a person needs the assistance of another person to interact with others, to take turns in a game, need verbal or physical cues to manage life skills, to go out to events or attend groups, go to the store , go to the doctor or any other outing which entails leaving the home and no amount of social engineering will change this.
Rather than focusing on the one variable of disability and looking at all contacts as having a disability or not, try looking at social contacts from various angles—what type of people does one interact with?
When looking at social circles from this perspective I think that one may find that the person with intellectual disabilities is much more integrated with a variety of people from various cultures and walks of life than those of us without disabilities.
How many adult women have equal men and women friends? How many adults have daily contact with people from many different countries and cultures? How many adults have daily contact with people from all walks of life—from highly paid professionals (doctors and health care providers) to some of the lowest paid workers in our community – the caregivers who work so hard caring for our loved ones? How many have daily contact with people of all ages from college students to the elderly?
I know that my son learns about many countries and cultures—he knows and experiences various foods from different countries and knows they may have a different religions. He notices differences and asks about them but he does not make judgments and discriminate—he accepts things as they are.
All people are equal in his eyes—gay people, straight people, poor people, rich people, Black people, Asian People, White people, people who “talk funny” (have an accent because English is their second language) handicapped people in wheelchairs or needing walkers, people with multiple tattoos and piercings (people who may look scary to me), yet my son accepts all people equally. He does not discriminate.
Yes, my son does notice differences and comments on them—sometimes this is difficult in public because in our culture this is taboo. He is just observant and wants to know about people. He has opened my world to meeting people from all over the world who I never would have met except for the fact that he asks everyone “What country are you from?” If I stayed in my own little world and social circle and didn’t travel with him I would have missed out on these opportunities.
Yes, my son does live in a supportive community with others who have intellectual disabilities but his life is far from segregated—it’s completely the opposite and if one examined their own social circle from variables other than if one is disabled or not, we would see very different connections and realize that those who we may think are the most isolated and segregated are actually quite the opposite.